About Andrew Hearst

I'm Andrew Hearst, a New York-based writer, editor, designer, musician, and gadabout. You can learn a bit more about me here.

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Best of Panopticist
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December 2005
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July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
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The Pound of Flesh
Lingua Franca

Such Exquisite Dumbness
The New York Sun

Blue Laws and Black Markets
The New York Sun

The Unimaginative Imaginatist
The New York Sun

One Man's Machines
The Village Voice

David Granger Has Something Stuck Between His Teeth
Mediabistro.com

Tucker's World
Mediabistro.com

Can the Paperless Magazine Make It?
Columbia Journalism Review

Jim Romenesko
James Wolcott
Gawker
Eat the Press (Huffington Post)
Media Matters
Dan Kennedy
Veiled Conceit
Bob Somerby
Roger Ailes
FishbowlNY
Digby

Clive Thompson
Rob Harrell
Maura Johnston
Peter Dizikes
Terri Senft
Tom Igoe
Carrie McLaren
Randall Rothenberg
Chris Allbritton
David Callahan
Rebecca Skloot
Julian Rubinstein
Rob Warner
Daniel Radosh
Mike Daisey
Caleb Crain
Heath Row
Jami Attenberg
Emily Votruba
Chris Millward
David Feige
Emily Gordon
Maud Newton
J. Edward Keyes
Jod Kaftan
Lindsay Robertson
Jen Bekman
Elizabeth Spiers
Lockhart Steele

Talking Points Memo
Jason Kottke
Gothamist
Curbed
Triple Mint
whatevs.org
Low Culture
pullquote
Old Hag
Kung Fu Monkey
Cool Hunting
Cult of Mac
design*sponge
Apartment Therapy
Rake's Progress
Beatrice
The Elegant Variation
Maccers
MemeFirst
Andrew Krucoff
Catherine's Pita
Cityrag
The Fold Drop
escapegrace
Filmoculous
Death May Be Your Santa Claus
Can't Stop the Bleeding
Encyclopedia Hanasiana
Rick's Cafe Americain
Men's Vogue Daily
Heaneyland!
The PreCogs
Jim Affinito
All the Little Live Things
Language Log
Design Observer
Drawn!
music (for robots)
Donkey Rising
Daily Kos
Atrios
Tapped

The Manhattan Project
Watergate-era
conspiracy thrillers

Joe Frank
Don DeLillo
détournement
analog filters
looping devices
Doonesbury
Swiffer
The Beatles
William Orbit
Roth-era Van Halen

Rolf Harris
Steve Garvey
Land of the Lost
my right thumb
Enid Blyton
Roald Dahl
Asterix
Tintin

Erlend Øye, DJ-Kicks

Grandaddy, Sumday

Röyksopp, Melody A.M.

Phoenix, Alphabetical

Van Halen, Van Halen

Fountains of Wayne, Utopia Parkway

Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
The Office
The Daily Show
Curb Your Enthusiasm


May 27, 2008
The Scandalous Origins of Martin Scorsese’s After Hours

After Hours

There’s no current hook for this post about a little-known Hollywood scandal. It’s just something I’ve been meaning to post about for a couple of years. The bare details have been mentioned online, but only in passing, and as far as I know the scandal has never been officially reported anywhere.

So here it is: Much of the plot setup and some of the dialogue in Martin Scorsese’s excellent 1985 film After Hours—a significant portion of the movie’s first 30 minutes, in fact—were brazenly lifted from “Lies,” a 1982 NPR Playhouse monologue by Joe Frank, the great L.A.-based radio artist who’s gotten a lot of love here on Panopticist. Joe Frank never received official credit for his contributions, and he appears to have been paid a generous amount of money to settle the plagiarism suit and keep everything quiet. It’s possible that this scandal was reported in the film-industry trade press around the time of the film’s release, but neither Nexis nor Google reveal evidence of any media coverage. I learned of the similarities in 2004 or 2005 through chatter on the unofficial Joe Frank mailing list. The closest thing I’ve found to a reference in a traditional media outlet is in this March 2000 Joe Frank profile in Salon, which mentions that Frank was “paid handsomely by producers of a Hollywood film (which he won’t name) that plagiarized his dialogue.”

The Wikipedia page for the screenwriter of After Hours, Joseph Minion, mentions that the film included some “minor details” borrowed from Joe Frank, and that Frank successfully sued over it. But the theft was far from minor. Many of the details in the film’s first half hour are similar, if not copied outright: the chance meeting of a man and a kooky but sexy woman; the woman’s offer to set the man up with some of her artist roommate’s plaster of paris bagel-and-cream-cheese paperweights; the man’s late-night phone call to the woman; his cab ride to meet her, at the end of which his only cash flies out the window; her wearing of a loosely tied bathrobe when she answers the door; her tale of having been raped by man who came down the fire escape; and so forth.

Here’s the entire monologue so you can judge for yourself. It’s 11 minutes long. If you’ve seen the film, much of this will sound very familiar indeed:

(If you don’t see the Flash audio player, here’s a direct link to the audio file.)

Joseph Minion apparently created the script in his mid-twenties as part of his work at Columbia’s Graduate Film Program. It was later optioned by Griffin Dunne and Amy Robinson, who showed it to Scorsese. Minion’s IMDb credits are pretty thin after the early 1990s, so his career seems to have been really hurt by this, no surprise.

There’s also a weird twist: The cabbie who drives Griffin Dunne downtown is played by an actor named Larry Block, and he’s apparently the same Larry Block who appeared on many of Joe Frank’s shows for KCRW in the 1990s. Was the plagiarism discovered during the making of the film, and the role given to Frank’s friend Block as part of the lawsuit negotiations? Whatever the reason, it’s hard to believe Block’s casting was just a coincidence.

After Hours

If you have any insight into any of this, post away in the comments…

posted by Andrew Hearst  •  permalink  •  comments (14)

categories: Best Of, Film, Music and Audio

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September 10, 2006
This Month in Vanity Fair: Pranking The Weekly Standard

Thanks to something Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes created, the October issue of Vanity Fair has gotten a little bit of attention. The issue also contains something I created: a fake cover flap you can cut out and attach to a newsstand copy of The Weekly Standard. It’s on page 272, in the Vanities section. More details are here.

The Weekly Standard cover flap: Okay, fine, we admit it: The Iraq War was a mistake, and George W. Bush is so stupid he scares even us. Plus: William Kristol on being deluded for six years. Brit Hume on 50 things Michael Moore was right about. Charles Krauthammer on why he wants a do-over on everything--everything!--starting with the 2000 election. Fred Barnes on the joys of not wearing pants.

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, News and Politics, The Magazine Covers

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May 14, 2006
There Is Something Weird Going on With the Clock on 24

Okay, I am a TOTAL FREAK for having noticed this weird typographic pattern on 24. You have been warned. My discovery of this bizarre typographic anomaly took place in a few steps over the course of several episodes, so bear with me as I explain.

I loved the first season of 24, but I gave up on the show after the second season, because the pulled-out-of-thin-air plot twists, the hammy acting, and the fluid-as-water loyalties of the characters became increasingly maddening. “This show is ridiculous,” I eventually said to myself, perhaps when drunk, because I don’t usually talk to myself. “I refuse to watch it anymore.” But thanks to recommendations from a few enthusiastic friends, I returned to the show late in the fourth season, and now I’m totally hooked again. The fifth season has been fantastically entertaining. The producers have worked out most of the kinks in the format and now know exactly what they’re doing. The show is still ridiculous sometimes, but that’s part of the fun.

A few months ago I began to notice something unusual about the 24 clock—the timer that appears onscreen at regular intervals throughout each episode. It’s modeled on a standard LED clock, the kind you’ll see on the radio next to your bed or the microwave in your kitchen or inside a ticking rogue nuclear weapon once you’ve pulled off the face plate. You know—the standard workaday places. On a typical such clock, each number is rendered within a matrix of two vertical bars on either side and three horizontal bars in the middle. At first glance, the 24 clock appears to be based around exactly that sort of matrix. Here’s a screenshot from last Monday’s episode:

24 clock, 03:40:29

A couple of months ago, I noticed that the 24 clock renders the numeral 1 with a short serif at the top. Here’s another screenshot from last Monday’s episode, with the serif circled:

24 clock, 03:51:57

That serif is a needless typographic flourish. A normal clock wouldn’t have a serif there, and in fact it’s totally illogical for the 24 clock to have one: None of the other numerals show evidence that the LEDs on top are split in half and can render a serif. The LED bars along the top are always solid when used in the other numerals, and the light that illuminates the top bars in the other numerals is consistent and unbroken.

So I noticed this and it amused me, but I didn’t think much of it, because why should the 24 clock have to be logical and believable? Every episode of the show contains a lot of stuff that’s illogical and unbelievable. This typographic inconsistency is no more ridiculous than, say, Jack Bauer sneaking onto a diplomatic flight, hijacking the plane in midair, finding the evidence that implicates the president, forcing the bad-guy copilot to land the plane on a Los Angeles freeway, and then eluding the president’s military goons once the plane comes to a halt on the makeshift runway. To mention just one recent half-hour sequence.

[Continue reading "There Is Something Weird Going on With the Clock on 24"...]

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, TV and Video

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February 26, 2006
A Bully Gets Bullied: Why Rush Limbaugh Never Became the Next Oprah

In 1990, a year or two before he became super-famous, Rush Limbaugh guest-hosted Pat Sajak’s short-lived talk show. It didn’t go so well: The taping was disrupted by a group of angry activists who were seated throughout the audience. A visibly rattled Limbaugh was unable to regain control of the show. “He came out full of bluster and left a very shaken man,” a CBS executive later said. “I had never seen a man sweat as much in my life.” Eventually Limbaugh made it to the first commercial break, and then, barely, to the next one; when the show returned from the second break, the activists were gone—along with the rest of the audience. A demoralized Limbaugh then delivered self-serving closing remarks to an empty studio.

This is from one of my Media Shower tapes (hence the phone number and other graphics that are occasionally superimposed over the video). Yesterday I figured out how to embed a YouTube video on a web page, which will allow me to put up stuff like this without worrying about bandwidth. You’ll need the Flash plugin. The clip is about 11 minutes long, and it’s fricking awesome.

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categories: Best Of, News and Politics, TV and Video

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November 30, 2005
Gawker Media Sold to The New York Times Company? The Truth Behind the Rumor

Yesterday Gawker expressed bafflement regarding Russ Smith’s assertion in The New York Press that Gawker Media has been sold to The New York Times Company for $32 million. “As this is utterly ridiculous and unequivocally not true,” Gawker wrote, “we imagine Smith intended the piece as some sort of quasi-parody.”

But Smith, as unhinged as he most certainly is, may be onto something. A well-placed source inside the Times sent me a screenshot of an in-house mockup of Gawker redesigned to conform to the look, feel, and editorial tone of the Times Company’s flagship website. It’s not a pretty thing: Something is definitely lost when the snarkiness of Gawker is filtered through the bland, establishment-friendly tone of the Times. Let’s hope this deal doesn’t actually go through—it would mean the end of Gawker as we know it. Click on the logotype below to see the rest of this top-secret design.

Gawker on the Web

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, News and Politics, The Magazine Covers

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November 14, 2005
Panopticist Gold: Greatest Hits

Added this weekend: a Best Of archive that brings together about 30 of my favorite Panopticist posts from the past ten months. You really can't afford to miss this thrilling new category archive.

Panopticist Gold: Greatest Hits

This exciting compilation contains many recent smash hits—"Judy Miller Finally Goes Off the Deep End" and "The iPod Harper's Special Edition," among others—as well as some early classics you might have missed:

Regarding the album whose cover is parodied above, don't pretend like you didn't dance around drunk to it at least once in high school or college. Or maybe during a candy-induced sugar high in elementary school. I know your secrets, people.

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categories: Best Of

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November 7, 2005
In Vanity Fair This Month: U.S. News Goes Lowbrow, Consumer Reports Chases Celebrities, and More

A couple of months ago an editor at Vanity Fair approached me to see if I wanted to try to come up with something for VF. It worked out pretty nicely: I have a page of four new magazine covers in the December 2005 issue. The issue is on newsstands now; it’s the one with Kate Moss on the front. I can’t post the four covers here, at least not yet, but I will tease you with the logotype for one of them:

U.S. News & World Report as OK!

For the rest of this cover, plus three other brand-new ones, see page 288 of the December Vanity Fair. I’m excited to be in the same publication as this guy and these guys, among other fine contributors.

[UPDATE: In August 2007, I finally posted all four covers.]

During the process, I submitted a few design concepts that we decided not to pursue, including an earlier version of the cover below, wherein genetic material from this magazine has been spliced into the DNA of this magazine. I reimagined most of this one over the weekend, so it’s more or less oven-fresh. (As you’ll discover if you check out Vanity Fair, a different but related concept did make it into the magazine.)

Esquire as The National Enquirer. The 2005 Boobiest Achievement Awards. Jessica Simpson: Hall of Fame. Lindsay Lohan: A scar we love. Susan Sarandon: Lifetime achievement.

This cover I posted a few weeks ago is also an outtake from the Vanity Fair assignment. Yes, I know: Too many boob jokes recently. But sex sells magazines!

I probably won’t be doing too many more of these covers—I want to start doing more stuff like this. I have one other cover in mind that I’m planning to create and post in February, for reasons that shall become clear…

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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November 1, 2005
Judy Miller Finally Goes Off the Deep End

I had no idea how bad things had gotten for Judith Miller until I saw the Ethicist column in this past Sunday’s Times Magazine. When is the Times finally going to rein in this crazy woman?

The Ethicist With Judy Miller

(Here’s a link to this week’s Ethicist column.)

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categories: Best Of, News and Politics

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August 15, 2005
Radar Isn’t the Only Magazine Recycling George Lois’s Classic Esquire Covers

As Matt Haber observed last week, the cover of Radar’s September/October issue was art directed by George Lois, the advertising genius who created dozens of classic Esquire covers between 1962 and 1972. The new Radar cover is a parody of a Lois Esquire creation that caused a big controversy in early 1968.

Here’s what no one’s noticed yet: For some time now, George Lois has been happily recycling his old Esquire covers for a bunch of other magazines. The one below is on the newsstand right now. Click on the image to see the Lois original.

Oh my God -- you can see Tara Reid's boob-job scar.

[This post originally contained two more George Lois riffs, but I don’t think they worked as well as the one above, so I took them down…]

(Go to this page for more stuff like this.)

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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July 11, 2005
Steve Jobs Announces the Latest Addition to the iPod Family: the iPod Harper’s Special Edition

At a joint press conference yesterday at 666 Broadway, Apple C.E.O. Steve Jobs and Harper’s editor Lewis H. Lapham announced a historic collaboration between their two companies: the iPod Harper’s Special Edition.

iPod Harper's Special Edition

“This merging of two iconic designs is exactly the sort of innovation that has made Steve Jobs the most dynamic businessman of his generation,” said Lapham. “From the tasteful use of the Goudy Old Style typeface to the reproduction of my signature on the back, this gadget perfectly captures the essence of the Harper’s brand—and the sound quality is nothing short of Brahms-worthy. I am thrilled to lend the magazine’s name to this ingenious device.”

iPod Harper's Special Edition, back

“The iPod Harper’s Special Edition is a perfect combination of form, function, literary merit, and antiplutocratic politics,” said Jobs. “The massive hard drive and crisp full-color screen are ideal for storing and displaying photographs, and each unit comes preloaded with high-resolution photos of every writer whose work has appeared in the magazine during Lewis’s long tenure: Thomas Frank, Barbara Ehrenreich, David Foster Wallace, Jonathan Franzen—even Christopher Hitchens, though you can easily delete that one if you want to.”

“Total storage space on the iPod Harper’s Special Edition, in gigabytes: 60,” said Lapham. “Amount each one will cost: $399.”

“Number of media legends who came together to create this exciting new Apple product: 2,” said Jobs. “Chance that literary-minded American consumers will find this new iPod impossible to resist: 1 in 1.”

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categories: Best Of, Magazines, Music and Audio, The Magazine Covers

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July 6, 2005
“California Vagina Sailors” and a Critical Moment in the History of Yacht Rock

The latest batch of five-minute shows is up at Channel 101, the L.A.-based “untelevised TV network” founded by Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab, two goofballs who are best known for having sprung Heat Vision and Jack on an indifferent world (and, more specifically, on indifferent Fox executives). Anyone can submit a five-minute pilot to Channel 101; the least sucky submissions are then shown at the next live monthly screening, where the next “primetime lineup” is determined by audience vote. The primetime shows are placed online, as is the occasional “failed pilot.” Most of the shows are fond parodies of bad TV. Some of them are pretty atriocious—productionwise, actingwise, scriptwise—but many are hilarious, and sometimes it’s the atrociousness that makes them so hilarious. A lot of them are the work of underemployed actor/comedians and pop-culture geeks who like to fuck around with cheap video cameras.

You should check out at least two of Channel 101’s shows this month. First and funniest is the premiere episode of Yacht Rock, a show devoted to exploring a little-understood rock genre that flourished from the mid-’70s to the early ’80s. The show’s debut is a fictionalized retelling of the story behind Michael McDonald’s Doobie Brothers hit “What a Fool Believes,” which, honest to god, for real, was co-written by Kenny Loggins. Who knew that Kenny Loggins co-wrote that song? I did not know this; I had to go to Google to confirm that it’s actually true. Nor did I really want to know this information, because I eventually could have used that part of my brain to store something useful. But Yacht Rock is really funny, complete with a drunk and depressed Jim Messina, a scarily accurate Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, and a belligerent John Oates, who hurls the epithet “California vagina sailors” at McDonald and his bandmates. Check it out:

Yacht Rock

Second, the cheesy, very low budget sci-fi show The Most Extraordinary Space Investigations stars Dan Harmon, House of Cosbys creator Justin Roiland, and Sarah Silverman as stoner space cowboys who do bong hits before strapping themselves into their fighters to go off on their missions. It’s cool that Silverman is game for such sophomoric shenanigans.

Some people in New York have started a similar project called Channel 102; the next Channel 102 screening is on Monday, July 25, at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

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categories: Best Of, TV and Video

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June 27, 2005
Joe Frank, Radio’s Brilliant Purveyor of Postmodern Noir, Has Been in the Hospital

Joe Frank

The great Los Angeles-based radio artist Joe Frank has been struggling with health problems over the last few months.

If you’ve never heard of him, Joe is a completely original American storyteller whose shows have pioneered new forms of radio narrative over the last two decades. I’m most obsessed with his monologues, which are usually accompanied by eerie looped music, but his shows often incorporate other formats, including taped phone conversations, found sound, and improvised radio plays that Joe records with actors and then imposes a structure on in the editing room.

Joe’s work might best be described as a cross between Kafka, Nietzsche, Raymond Chandler, Don DeLillo, Philip Roth, and David Sedaris. He’s a short-story writer, a philosopher, a comedian, a raconteur, and one of the greatest-ever purveyors of the postmodern-noir sensibility. He’s spent his career grappling with all the grand topics: sex, love, morality, lust, greed, sin, fear, hatred, the search for meaning. Much of his best work is both utterly profound and completely hilarious. He often blurs the lines between real life and fiction, and his shows are sometimes explicitly about the creative process. At his core, he’s a tortured man who attempts to make sense of the world by telling stories about it. There is simply no one else like him. Can you tell that I’m completely obsessed?

And I have yet to even mention his voice, which is incredibly rich and expressive and spellbinding.

Much more about Joe after the jump, including details about his health, links to some of his work, and other info.

[Continue reading "Joe Frank, Radio’s Brilliant Purveyor of Postmodern Noir, Has Been in the Hospital"...]

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categories: Best Of, Music and Audio

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June 12, 2005
Rogue Punster on the Loose at The New York Times

Check out this totally gratuitous and inexplicable pop-culture reference buried in a mostly sober article by Melanie Warner in today’s New York Times. The article is about one Rick Berman, an amoral jackass who propagandizes for food-industry interests through a well-funded front group.

About a third of the way into the piece, Warner refers to Michael Jacobson, the head of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, as “a tenacious Ph.D. in microbiology.” I’m sure Jacobson is both tenacious and a Ph.D., but it seems likely that the two-word phrase is a punning reference to a certain Jack Black side project. It’s possible that the reference is to the traditional meaning of the phrase, but that’s not as amusing to contemplate. Regardless, the phrase is clearly a pun, and it’s totally gratuitous. What the hell is that pun doing in there? Is Melanie Warner a Jack Black fan? Was the pun inserted by a rogue D-ciple on the Times copy desk? When did the paper start allowing Entertainment Weekly-style wordplay into news copy?

Tenacious Ph.D.

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April 19, 2005
Air Guitar Travesty

air guitar travesty

In June 2004, a woman named MiRi “Sonyk-Rok” Park won the 2004 U.S. Air Guitar Championship with a rendition of Eddie Van Halen’s riffing in “Hot for Teacher.” A week or two later, she performed her rendition on Late Night With Conan O’Brien. The Air Guitar U.S.A. website (which I discovered through a Flavorpill link to Aireoke) has video of Park’s Conan appearance, and it’s a travesty: Though the cascade of notes in the intro is one of the more famous examples of Eddie’s pioneering two-handed-tapping technique, and in fact is impossible to play any other way, Park keeps her right hand down at her right hip the whole time, as if she’s playing her invisible guitar the standard way. I suppose an air guitar performance is meant to be an interpretation, not a literal recreation of all the relevant techniques, but this is a disgrace!!! Are there no standards in the world of professional air guitar? Is there no honor? Would someone interpreting Murray Perahia at the Air Piano U.S.A. Championship get away with performing using feet on the keyboard instead of hands? I seriously doubt it!!!

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categories: Best Of, Music and Audio

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March 29, 2005
Cover-up at Parents Magazine

In their quest for newsstand “pop,” many magazines design their covers in such a way that the logotype is almost an afterthought. Titles of magazines are often partly blotted out by celebrity heads, torsos, hair, and other body parts. This April 2005 cover of Parents magazine demonstrates the perils of this design technique:

Parents Magazine

(Note that I never said this was the real cover. You can find a lot more of my designs on the Magazines category page.)

(Inspired partly by a brief moment in a recent episode of Arrested Development involving Buster and an alarm clock.)

UPDATE, June 2005: This cover escaped from its moorings several weeks ago and has traveled all over the net, creating a small urban legend in the process. See this June 14 post for the story of how Snopes.com stepped in to debunk it.

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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March 28, 2005
Container Store Cosmology

This weekend I had to go to The Container Store in Chelsea to return something, and it reminded me of my favorite thing about that establishment: The store itself is a container for all the containers. Not only that: The building contains the store.

Did I just blow your mind?

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categories: Best Of, Miscellany

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March 21, 2005
Seven-Year-Olds Can’t Write Upside Down

Children of the 1970s who read this site: Did any of you make plates like this in art class? You drew a picture on a circular piece of opaque paper, and then your parents or your teacher sent the drawing off to a company that pressed the drawing into a plastic plate. A week or two after you sent off the drawing, the plate arrived in the mail. I ate off this plate every night for years:

TWA plate

To help the art historians who, decades from now, will be devoting themselves to analyzing the history and motivations behind my artistic output, I will record some background about this drawing—no, this “sculptured culinary tool.” I created this piece in 1976, when I was a seven-year-old kindergarten student. I was still flush with excitement from my recent trip to Australia with my family. There is a boastful, almost preening quality to this piece, as if I am trying to say, “Hey, look at me! I just went to AUSTRALIA! On a AIRPLANE!!!!!” Less-forgiving critics might use the words “sloppy” and “unrealistic” to describe, respectively, the colored line work and the questionable deployment of perspective; I prefer the terms “kinetic” and “imaginative.” Yes, it’s true, one could argue that my placement of my signature in the CENTER of the piece betrays some sort of narcissistic personality disorder, but I would argue that I was merely trying to save people from having to spend time figuring out who created the work. Why not be up front about it? I have never been one for willful obscurity, and this is evident even in my earliest works.

Careful observers will notice that the top instance of “TWA” is spelled backwards. When I was working on this piece, I was so cocky about my ability to write upside down that I didn’t bother to sketch the letters in pencil before finalizing them with magic marker. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. This error will surely increase the potential value of this unusual, one-of-a-kind work of art.

UPDATE: Apologies to future historians: I may have given the wrong date for this work. It seems that I must have created it in 1975, or possibly even 1974. I think it was 1975. My college friend Peter, who is the same age as I am, wrote to offer this observation: “Seven-year-old Kindergarten student? Was that some Indiana thing? You date the plate to 1976. Personally, in the 1975-76 school year, I was in the first grade, and in the 1976-77 year, the second grade. Art historians and Hearst-ologists may be trying to clear up the date/grade correspondence for years to come.”

UPDATE II: Wait! Check this out! We have confirmation! In my files I found a notebook I kept during my Australia trip. This notebook proves that the Australia trip took place in February 1975, the month I turned six. The handwriting appears to be my mother’s, not mine. She must have served as the transcriptionist for my muse:

Australia diary, February 1975

I can now say with great confidence that I created The TWA Plate sometime in March or April of 1975, soon after I turned six.

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of

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March 17, 2005
Understatement Weekly

Hey, check it out, a new magazine:

Understatement Weekly

(I did this one in Quark.)

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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March 15, 2005
Shocking Michael Jackson Confession: “These Statements About Me Are the Truth!”

This two-minute video curiosity is sophomoric and mean, but it’s also pretty entertaining. In December 1993, Michael Jackson videotaped an anguished public statement addressing the disturbing allegations that were then starting to swirl around him. At some point afterward, someone with access to video editing equipment twisted Jackson’s bizarre statement into an even more bizarre exercise in self-incrimination and self-abasement.

Michael Jackson

I have no idea who made this or when it was made. As usual, it’s from one of my Media Shower tapes.

(If you want to link to this, please link to this post, not to the file itself. Thanks!)

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categories: Best Of, TV and Video

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March 13, 2005
Best “Waltzing Matilda” Ever

My mother is Australian, but I wasn’t raised with much awareness of Australian culture. My mom occasionally served us Vegemite when we were kids, but that’s about it. (If you’ve never tasted Vegemite, it’s about as gross as you’d think: It has the color and consistency of smooshed ants, and probably tastes about as good. But I remember liking it fine as a kid.)

I still possess one hyper-Australian cultural artifact from my childhood: a mid-’60s album called Join Rolf Harris Singing “The Court of King Caractacus” and Other Fun Songs. The cover is sublime:

Rolf Harris

Rolf Harris is a household name in Australia, and I think he’s also pretty well known in the U.K. But I’d be surprised if many people here in the United States have heard of him. He sings, he does comedy, he paints, he hosts goofy TV shows for children. His official site has loads of info about his long, oddball career.

I haven’t owned a turntable since about 1991, so it’s been at least that long since I last played my copy of Join Rolf Harris. But a couple of years ago I discovered that an audiophile friend on Echo owns a copy of it, and he was nice enough to digitize it and send me a CD. My desire to hear the record was motivated primarily by nostalgia, but I was amazed to discover that it’s actually a great album. Seriously. He’s a great singer (or he was 40 years ago) and a charming, funny showman. Join Rolf Harris is mostly a collection of Australian and English music hall songs, some of them classics and some of them Harris originals. I loved all of these songs and often sang along to them with great brio. I loved “Gosport Nancy” without having any idea it was about a prostitute (or at least a very, very friendly gal):

Now Gosport Nancy keeps a parlour
Where the lads can take their ease
She’ll wake you, she’ll shake you
She will do whate’er you please
Now all the Gosport ladies
They does the best they can
But at makin’ a bed for a sailor’s head
There’s none like Gosport Nan

The album contains the single best version of “Waltzing Matilda” I’ve ever heard. Because I aim to please, I’ve put up an mp3 of it. You can listen to it here. There’s crowd noise on the recording, so it must be from a concert, but it also sounds like some overdubs were added later. Before the song starts, Harris spends a couple of minutes outlining a glossary of some of the terms used in the song.

Join Rolf Harris Singing “The Court of King Caractacus” and Other Fun Songs isn’t mentioned on Harris’s official site, and a Google search only pulls up a handful of references to it. It was probably a compilation assembled specifically for the American market. (My copy says “Printed in the U.S.A.” on the back.)

Here are the liner notes, which are credited to someone named Bob Goldstein:

Rolf Harris is a troublemaker. He makes people nervous. Well, not all people—just the bunch that gets edgy when they see or hear something they cannot easily label. You know the type: they’re the ones who call all popular music “rock and roll,” who dismiss all Broadway shows as “loud and brassy,” and who brand all wearers of shaggy haircuts “Beatles fans.” Well, this bunch is very upset because the only name that fits Rolf Harris is his own, and the only label he’ll readily wear is Epic’s.

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March 6, 2005
Walter Murch on the Sound of Apocalypse

Walter Murch

This is fantastic: On transom.org, a site devoted to “channeling new work and voices to public radio through the Internet,” the film editor and sound editor Walter Murch is spending several weeks as a sort of philosopher-in-residence. I learned of Murch’s transom.org appearance through a guest post by the former New Yorker writer Lawrence Weschler on one of my favorite sites, Design Observer.

Murch has won Oscars for both film editing (The English Patient) and sound editing (The English Patient and Apocalypse Now)—a remarkable achievement, given some of the very different skills those two jobs require. Murch is responsible for at least one of my all-time favorite film sequences: the scene in The Conversation where the surveillance expert Harry Caul (played by Gene Hackman) assembles a listenable mixdown from several shoddy recordings of a single conversation. The sound editing in that scene is a perfect example of Murch’s genius.

In several essays and a discussion thread in his special transom.org section, Murch relates a number of details about the ways the human brain processes sound. He then explores how these details inform the arsenal of techniques a sound editor must use to impart complex, multilayered audio information without smothering the listener in a gelatinous blob of noise. The extraordinary centerpiece of Murch’s transom.org residency is his detailed breakdown of the various threads of sound that run through the monumental “Ride of the Valkyries” helicopter sequence in Apocalypse Now. Murch demonstrates his concepts with a series of videos of the scene, each one isolating a separate component of the audio track. As Murch explains, he originally set up the sequence’s audio as six separate layers of sound. But he eventually realized that six layers was one too many: “[A]t any one moment (for practical purposes, let’s say that a ‘moment’ is any five-second section of film), five layers is the maximum that can be tolerated by an audience if you also want them to maintain a clear sense of the individual elements that are contributing to the mix.” In the case of the helicopter sequence, he writes,

I found I could build a “sandwich” with five layers to it. If I wanted to add something new, I had to take something else away. For instance, when the boy in the helicopter says “I’m not going, I’m not going!” I chose to remove all the music. On a certain logical level, that is not reasonable, because he is actually in the helicopter that is producing the music, so it should be louder there than anywhere else. But for story reasons we needed to hear his dialogue, of course, and I also wanted to emphasize the chaos outside—the AK47’s and mortar fire that he was resisting going into—and the helicopter sound that represented “safety,” as well as the voices of the other members of his unit. … Under the circumstances, music was the sacrificial victim. The miraculous thing is that you do not hear it go away—you believe that it is still playing even though, as I mentioned earlier, it should be louder here than anywhere else. And, in fact, as soon as this line of dialogue was over, we brought the music back in and sacrified something else. Every moment in this section is similarly fluid, a kind of shell game where layers are disappearing and reappearing according to the dramatic focus of the moment. It is necessitated by the “five-layer” law, but it is also one of the things that makes the soundtrack exciting to listen to.

In 2002, Knopf published The Conversations: Walter Murch and the Art of Editing Film, a collection of transcribed dialogues between Murch and Michael Ondaatje, the author of The English Patient.

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categories: Best Of, Film, Music and Audio

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February 28, 2005
William Orbit, King of the Knob Twirlers

William Orbit

One evening in 1994, my friend Nina sat me down and played me “Water From a Vine Leaf,” an ecstatic seven-minute epic by the British producer and synth wizard William Orbit, whose redesigned website went online yesterday. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that hearing “Water From a Vine Leaf” changed my life. I had been playing guitar for ten years at that point, and under Orbit’s spell I slowly moved away from rock guitar riffing and became an electronics-obsessed knob twirler (though I never stopped playing guitar). By the late ’90s, when it had become possible to cram an entire recording studio inside an off-the-shelf computer, I was spending endless hours at my Mac creating Orbit-influenced electronic tracks and then layering guitars over the top of them. Orbit is also responsible for my discovery of the glories of the resonant analog filter, for which I will be eternally grateful to him.

A couple of years after I discovered Orbit, Madonna enlisted him to be her main collaborator for the album that would become Ray of Light. He is now a very rich man. These days he has a very comfortable and lucrative career producing tracks for artists ranging from U2 and Blur to Pink and All Saints. He’s also known for having more or less discovered Beth Orton, who does a spoken-word thing toward the end of “Water From a Vine Leaf.” In 1993, the same year “Water From a Vine Leaf” was released, Orbit and Orton recorded an album together called SuperPinkyMandy. It was only released in Japan, and it’s now a collector’s item. I have a bootleg of it; it’s very hit or miss.

Orbit’s redesigned site has a lot of rare stuff on it, including dozens of snippets of the music he’s been working on for his next solo record. He hasn’t recorded an album of his own material since the mid-’90s, so the sound samples are especially cool to hear. (Pieces in a Modern Style, his collection of electronic versions of classic works by Bach, Satie, and other composers, was recorded in the mid-’90s but wasn’t given wide release until 2000.) The site’s video section includes the original “Water From a Vine Leaf” video, which I had never seen before. It’s a misguided New Age mess. Beth Orton appears in it, whirling like a dervish.

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February 22, 2005
An Annotation of the First Page of White Noise, With Help From Don DeLillo

Don DeLillo

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Don DeLillo gave a reading at the University of Texas on February 10 to mark the sale of his papers to the university’s Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center. The next day, the Austin American-Statesman reported that DeLillo read from Libra and Underworld, answered a few questions, and then left. Uneventful, but DeLillo isn’t exactly a flamboyant guy.

A few days before the reading, the American-Statesman published something excellent: an annotation of the opening page of White Noise, with details drawn from various drafts of that page found in the author’s papers. The reporter, Jeff Salamon, also interviewed DeLillo for the piece. Some of the information in Salamon’s annotation has long been known to DeLillo observers—e.g., the fact that DeLillo wanted to call the book Panasonic but couldn’t get permission from the Matsushita corporation—but the piece contains a number of specific new details about DeLillo’s writing process.

The American-Statesman’s site has a totally annoying registration process (and the login and password posted on Bug Me Not don’t work anymore). So I will just post the entire thing here, after the jump.

Twelve years after I first read it, White Noise is still my favorite novel. I don’t have a favorite movie or a favorite TV show or a favorite album or a favorite band; I don’t tend to narrow things down quite that much. But I have a favorite novel, and it’s White Noise.

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categories: Best Of, Books

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February 13, 2005
The Surprisingly Retro Design of Sylvester Stallone’s New Magazine

Pea-brained thespian Sylvester Stallone has a new magazine out. Who would’ve guessed they’d go with such an allusive design?

Sly

[I reverse-engineered this in Photoshop this time—not in Quark, as I usually do. Here is the real cover of Sly.]

[Not sure what this is all about? Some insight can be gleaned here.]

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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February 10, 2005
The Only Interesting Thing About Paris Hilton

Escape to Witch Mountain

Nothing interesting can be said of Paris Hilton, the mantis-like creature who represents celebrified Homo sapiens in its purest form. Except this: One of her aunts is Kim Richards, the ’70s child star who appeared in such fine cultural offerings as No Deposit, No Return, James at 15, and, most significant, Escape to Witch Mountain, the classic 1975 Disney flick about two badass kids with magic powers. Richards’s character, Tia, was the Buffy of the 1970s preadolescent set. Also noteworthy is the fact that Escape’s villains were played by Ray Milland and Donald Pleasence, which is just awesome. (The villains in the 1978 sequel, Return From Witch Mountain, were played by Bette Davis and Christopher Lee, which is also just awesome.)

And what of Ike Eisenmann, the young boy who played Tony, Tia’s brother? In 2002, he directed and co-wrote a short movie called The Blair Witch Mountain Project, a Blair Witch parody and nostalgia exercise that features appearances by several actors who had roles in Escape to Witch Mountain:

In the 13-minute-long production, filmmaker Blair Billingsly (played by actress Hope Levy) seeks out members of the Witch Mountain casts and visits various locations where the movies were shot in a quest to uncover why, more than 20 years after their initial release, the pictures remain so popular. As she encounters many of the actors, she becomes increasingly obsessed with finding Tony and Tia, the two “alien” children who starred in the features. At one point, she even interviews famed celebrity biographer J. Randy Taraborrelli (author of Michael Jackson: The Magic and the Madness and Sinatra: Behind the Legend, among other books).

You can watch The Blair Witch Mountain Project here. It’s cute but, um, not so good.

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categories: Best Of, Film

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February 9, 2005
Bill Laimbeer Was a Sleestak

No, seriously: Bill Laimbeer, the widely loathed giant who played center for the Detroit Pistons from 1982 to 1993, appeared as a Sleestak in at least one episode of the cheesy ’70s show Land of the Lost, a program that terrorized a generation of young kids on Saturday mornings. I discovered the Laimbeer connection on my own a couple of years ago, when I watched a two-episode LotL videotape I had bought during a bout of nostalgia. This obscure bit of trivia is, I admit, probably only of interest to North Americans born between about 1963 and 1973 who remember the nightmares caused by those hissing, rubber-suited monsters. Like the entire show itself, the Sleestaks seem hilariously campy now, but they were terrifying to a six-year-old. Also terrifying was the show’s incredibly weird music, a bizarre amalgam of eerie synthesizer bleeps and down-home banjo pickin’.

This image is from the opening credits of a Walter Koenig-penned episode called “The Stranger” that aired in late 1974, when Laimbeer was 17:

Bill Laimbeer was a Sleestak

One of these Sleestaks is Laimbeer:

No, seriously: Bill Laimbeer was a Sleestak

Laimbeer went from menacing Marshall, Will, and Holly as an adolescent to menacing the entire NBA as an adult.

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categories: Best Of, TV and Video

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February 6, 2005
If Janice Min’s Magazine Looked Like Lewis Lapham’s

Because sometimes I play around with Quark when I’m bored.

Us Weekly as Harper's

(Go to this page for more stuff like this.)

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of, Magazines, The Magazine Covers

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February 3, 2005
If You’re Nervous and Hungover, Do Not Go on Live TV

The thought of being interviewed on live TV scares me, because I’d probably end up doing something like this:

As far as I know, it was not a prank. But prank or not, it’s compelling viewing. The slow, dull buildup only adds to the soul-crushing horror at the end.

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categories: Best Of, TV and Video

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February 1, 2005
Microsoft Caught in Sinister Copyediting Conspiracy!

One of the weirder style sheet idiosyncrasies I’ve noticed in recent years is Slate’s use of superscript for ordinal suffixes—e.g., the “st” in “21st.”

That’s not the most gripping sentence to start a post with, but bear with me. As in Chinatown, where a few innocuous clues eventually lead to the discovery of a vast criminal conspiracy, this style sheet tic is the key that unlocks a sinister plot—and it has nothing to do with George W. Bush’s failure to fulfill his National Guard duties in the 1970s. Let’s start with this passage from a restaurant piece today by Inigo Thomas:

The conventional view is that a visitor to New York should get to know as many places as possible in the city, especially its restaurants, no matter how short their stay. … [But] you tend to see and hear more of New York if you go to one place again and again. Pick one saloon: Take, for example, the Café Loup on West 13th, between 6th and 7th. Here, you’re as likely to find interesting strangers who will tell you something of their New York as you are anywhere else. It’s an old Village hangout, once located further east, in the days when William Burroughs was a habitué.

I know of no respectable publication, print or online, that shares this style sheet tic. About the only place you can get away with using superscript ordinal suffixes these days is in signage and other graphic contexts. They would be bad enough in a print publication, but on the web they’re even worse: The conventions of page rendering mean that the superscripts force entire lines of text down and away from the lines above them, wreaking havoc on line spacing. It looks terrible, and there’s absolutely no justification for it. For footnote references, there’s probably no way around the problem, so it’s justified in those situations. But not for ordinal suffixes, which are never superscripted by any knowledgeable copy editor. What was Slate’s copy department thinking when it made this choice?

But all becomes clear when you consider Slate’s long association with Microsoft, the company that launched Slate and owned it for almost a decade before selling it to The Washington Post Company a few months ago. Microsoft has exasperated literate people for years with various seemingly arbitrary defaults built into Word, the most popular word processor on the planet. One of those seemingly arbitrary defaults is the superscripting of ordinal suffixes. A decision made long ago by some illiterate flunky at Microsoft has led much of the English-speaking world to believe that the superscripting of ordinal suffixes is not just okay, but standard.

Was Slate forced to follow some company-wide style sheet? Is there a shadowy Martin Stett figure deep within Microsoft who works to impose the company’s sinister copyediting rules on the rest of the world? Will Slate’s ordinal suffixes drop to the baseline now that they’re no longer propped up by the diabolical Bill Gates?

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categories: Best Of, Magazines

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January 24, 2005
Drowning in mp3s

At the moment, my iTunes collection contains 12,383 songs culled from 949 albums by 413 artists. I listen to perhaps 50 of these albums regularly, and maybe another 50 somewhat less regularly. There are hundreds of albums in my collection that I listen to rarely, if ever. Because the Main Library window in iTunes has a built-in bias toward songs, as opposed to albums, I’m always having to scroll past dozens or hundreds of tracks I rarely listen to but nevertheless want to keep in my permanent iTunes collection. For example, I own five Frank Sinatra albums from his classic mid-to-late-1950s period. I love those albums, but I don’t listen to them much—and yet I often have to scroll past two screens’ worth of them when I’m poking around iTunes to figure out what I want to listen to next. Likewise with the albums I do listen to a lot: Why should I always be forced to scroll through a screen and a half of Fountains of Wayne songs when I always have those tracks turned on and synced with my iPod? I’d rather just activate all my Fountains of Wayne songs and forget about them.

I could lessen the load on my Main Library window by visiting Doug’s AppleScripts for iTunes and plunking down $5 for iTunes Library Manager, a shareware program that allows you to maintain several separate iTunes libraries. There are lots of excellent free iTunes scripts at Doug’s iTunes site, including several that do batch edits of song titles to get rid of awkward capitalizations, extraneous song data, and the like. But I don’t want to have to chop my iTunes collection into parts to make it manageable. I want to keep everything in the same place. So iTunes Library Manager is not the answer to my dilemma.

Fortunately, there’s a simple and elegant solution to the problem of the unwieldy iTunes collection, if only Apple would implement it: iTunes should allow you to collapse an entire album or an artist’s entire oeuvre into one line in the Main Library window, and it should put a checkbox next to each line allowing you to activate or deactive the contents of that line with one click. What if you could control-click on any song in the Main Library and pull up a menu like this, which is a Photoshop-altered version of the actual control-click menu in iTunes 4.7:

iTunes example 1

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January 16, 2005
The Perils of Bad Typography

Anals

Get that designer a curly quote! The unfortunate sign at right hangs above a restaurant on Broadway around 102nd Street, a few blocks from my apartment. The restaurant is called Ana’s, but the long, noncurly apostrophe looks a lot like a lower-case L—which spells the plural of a word you tend to see more often in porn film titles than above restaurants.

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categories: Art and Design, Best Of

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January 11, 2005
Entry Points

In case you’re wondering, some giant media conglomerate beat me to the domain name hearst.com, so that wasn’t a possibility.

The name of this site is derived from panopticon, a word the British utilitarian philosopher Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832) used for the name of an ingenious new kind of prison he spent years devising in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. The word comes from the Greek words for “all” and “sight.” As Bentham conceived it, the panopticon would be a kind of ultimate surveillance machine: Prison cells would be arrayed around the inside of a huge circular space, and a hidden sentry would observe from inside a single tower in the center of the space. The sentry would be able to see all the prisoners without being seen himself; the prisoners would never know if or when they were being monitored. Thus the prisoners would have to be on their best behavior at all times. The prisoners would be forced to internalize their own subjugation, and the sentry would be rendered more or less unnecessary. Bentham tried to get a panopticon built, but he was never quite successful. His ideas eventually influenced the design of prisons such as Philadelphia’s Eastern State Penitentiary, which was built in 1829. The concepts behind the panopticon also influenced the architecture of other kinds of institutional buildings, including some hospitals, which obviously have a similar need for efficient ways to monitor large numbers of people simultaneously.

Bentham conceived of the panopticon as a benign system that would result in prisons that were more humane, but of course its implications are hugely disturbing. Today the panopticon is famous mainly because of its analysis by the French philosopher Michel Foucault, who saw it as an utterly diabolical concept and a metaphor for “the oppressive use of information in a modern disciplinary society,” as David Engberg puts it on a website called The Virtual Panopticon. For Foucault, whose analysis appears in his 1975 book Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison, the panopticon concept also signaled a historical shift from “punishment” that targeted the body to “discipline” that targeted the mind and soul. I’ve oversimplified things here; you can read more about these ideas and their influence on this page.

Anyway, I’m interested in all these ideas, but they aren’t going to be the focus of this site. In the 19th century the word panopticon also came to be used as the name for a kind of hands-on museum where a wide variety of objects were on display, and that’s a suitably vague description of what this site will be. I’m very interested in the media in general and magazines in particular, so there will be a lot about that sort of thing here. I’m kind of a pack rat when it comes to magazines, so I’ll regularly be sharing things from my collection, including a number of inadvertently hilarious guitar magazines from the hair-metal era. Yngwie!

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categories: Best Of, Miscellany

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